


Healing Together

by Purple_Swan



Category: jikook - Fandom, jimin/jungkook - Fandom, kookmin - Fandom, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Consensual Sex, Dissociation, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Non-Consensual Touching, Physical Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Recovery, Recovery, Romance, Sad Park Jimin (BTS), Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:22:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29002911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purple_Swan/pseuds/Purple_Swan
Summary: Jimin worked hard. Jungkook needed to be strong.They faced many challenges as rookies, stemming from a certain manager. Their group may have bonded together and supported each other, but how does one get over abuse?How could Jimin tell Jungkook his darkest secrets? How far would Jungkook go to protect everyone he loved?This is a story of healing. This is a story of recovery. This is a story of love.
Relationships: Jeon Jungkook & Park Jimin, Jeon Jungkook/Park Jimin, Jikook, kookmin - Relationship
Comments: 36
Kudos: 139





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Everything in this work is entirely fictional. I took inspiration from BTS and their individual stories, but I am not pretending to know anything about their actual lives.
> 
> I don't think I've written anything too explicitly or gratuitous, I did my best to write about this subject matter with respect and care, but read at your own discretion.

Jimin worked hard.

He worked hard because he had to. Singing didn’t come naturally to him, but he worked hard. Learning choreography took him longer than others, but he worked hard. Relationships weren’t always easy, but he worked hard. And his hard work paid off.

He earned his spot in BTS with members he could say he genuinely loved. It wasn’t easy at first, and they all had their bumps with each other, but he knows he can rely on them. He knows his hyungs will look out for him, which is why he works harder for them. 

He worked harder even when the company told him he wasn’t worth it. He worked harder when he was told to be better, look better, act better. He worked harder even when Manager Jung made it really, really difficult. 

That is why he could never let his hard work go to waste. That is why he listened to his group when they told him his diet got too extreme. He didn’t want to admit it at first, but it became a shortcoming he couldn’t hide. He hated them for pointing it out at first, and then he hated himself for not being able to hide it, and then for worrying his friends. But then he worked hard to get better. He worked hard to view himself better. At least that was one thing he could overcome with their help, but not everything in his life was like that. 

Somethings were better to hide.

Even though he was embarrassed at first, diets were a huge part of his career. All of the members cycled through different diets, battling their own insecurities and expectations. Jimin just needed extra help. He knew that it was a common problem in his world, and a problem people openly talked about. But just as there were open problems, there were some better left in the dark. 

Those better left in the dark sometimes caught light now and then, but were quickly shoved away. The company knew that Manager Jung raised his voice, belittled them, sometimes shoved a quick palm against their chests. But that was when they were unruly rookies. Kids. That was when they needed firm guidance and strict rules. Their company was just barely floating above water, and it was up to them to fight against the raging current to make a good impression. 

Sure, Yoongi-hyung or Namjoon-hyung did their best to speak out against Manager Jung when he went too far, sometimes picking on Jungkook or Taehyung too much, but there wasn’t much they could do. He was the manager, and they were the rookies. So, the members swallowed their pain and disappointment. They had to suffer through the abuse in order to succeed. In general, Manager Jung wasn’t bad, they would say. Sometimes, Jungkook let tears escape, or Taehyung acted out more, or Jin-hyung took his sour mood out on others, but really, it wasn’t that bad.  
Jimin would argue otherwise. 

He knew it was bad, but he could never say. He couldn’t let all of his hard work go to waste. And his particular problem wasn’t one that ever saw the light. That is why he could never tell his groupmates about the lingering touches or the pinching of skin, often to chide him on his weight. He could never tell them of the drifting hands to areas even he rarely touched. He couldn’t tell them of the cornering in empty hallways and the forceful pressing of skin. He could never tell them of the angry meetings that went too far. 

He worked hard for what he got. He wasn’t going to give that up. 

And Jimin was good at compartmentalizing. He got even better at it once Manager Jung was finally fired due to fan outrage at a video that showed hardly a fraction of the abuse the man frequented. Once he was gone, Jimin felt he could finally lock away the box in his mind that carried all of the abuse. Occasionally, it pounded to be freed, like during the times he spent with Jungkook, but he shoved it deeper. 

And at least with Jungkook, he had control. At least with Jungkook, he trusted the younger. The younger, who always seemed to understand everything passing through Jimin’s eyes without him saying a word. And at least, Jungkook’s sweet words whispered into his ear as he gripped onto his shoulders in dark hotel rooms helped to shove the box deeper and deeper away. 

Jimin worked hard for what he got. He wasn’t going to let abuse and power struggles take it all away. He wasn’t going to let his shortcomings get in the way. 

His relationship with Jungkook still felt new. He couldn’t deny the fear he felt when he realized he was more than just attracted to the younger. He knew that his fear, and confusion, and hesitancy to define their relationship hurt Jungkook, yet the younger always seemed to understand. Because, regardless of how Jimin tried to pause their relationship or put up walls, Jungkook was still there with an open heart and open mind. 

Jimin still remembers so clearly the first time their relationship crossed those physical lines. How could he not when Taehyung busted into the hotel room with a live stream? Jimin couldn’t stop staring at Jungkook during their concert that night. He couldn’t stop feeling so enthralled by the boy’s dynamic dancing and incredible singing. He always admired his stage persona, but something felt different that night. Their flirting had exceeded typical friend behavior for weeks. The playful touches and the laughing and the smiles and the words had gone past platonic, but Jimin had yet to let himself admit they had crossed to another side. 

He was aware that Jungkook had noticed this difference. He was aware that Jungkook was flirting and seeking to protect Jimin just as much as make Jimin laugh. But if they never acknowledged these changes out loud, then Jimin wouldn’t have to face it. That was, until Jungkook took the lead. 

“Hyung, come to my room,” Jungkook had said, neither a question or a command, as the members made their way through the hotel. Jungkook and he had lagged behind the rest, and Jungkook’s almond eyes peeked at Jimin through his hair. They often spent time together in their rooms after concerts, simply enjoying each other’s company, but Jungkook’s smile and expression in his eyes alerted Jimin this night would be something different. 

In Jungkook’s room, the younger sat next to Jimin on the bed. With music playing from his phone, he turned to look at Jimin. It was another one of those moments that made Jimin’s heart clench. How could they say nothing but understand each other instantly? Jungkook had reached for Jimin first, his thumb caressing Jimin’s cheek, before bringing their lips together. It becomes a blur, how quickly they melded together, how quickly clothes were discarded, all to be interrupted by Taehyung. 

Jimin couldn’t admit it to Jungkook, but he was happy for the interruption. As he hid in the bathroom, his thoughts raced through the consequences and what ifs and the doubts, and worse all, the hidden memories. He wanted it all to stop, to go back before Jungkook made the first move. But Jungkook wasn’t all to blame, and he had to admit that he wanted this change to happen, even if it terrified him. As he hid in the bathroom listening to Jungkook trying to get Taehyung to leave as if Jimin wasn’t even there, he realized that he wasn’t going to let Jungkook go. Jimin worked hard for his career, and maybe his new relationship with Jungkook would jeopardize that, but Jimin also worked hard to maintain his friendships. He worked hard to keep Jungkook in his life. And thankfully, Jungkook wasn’t going to let Jimin disappear. 

Their next few months were messy. Being on tour, late night hotel visits, Jimin’s refusal to define their relationship. Jimin knew he wasn’t the only one who was afraid. Maybe Jungkook didn’t share all of the same reasons, but he sensed the younger’s hesitancy from time to time, especially when their members and staff started to take notice in their change. What would their relationship mean with the prying eyes of not just their company, but millions of fans? Of the world?

It was Jimin’s own fault that he expected Jungkook to know his mind completely. The younger sure did shock him from time to time with just how much he understood, but even with how much Jimin let him in, there was still somethings he would never reveal. Somethings that made intimacy difficult. 

Jimin’s heart still aches at the way they struggled against each other, trying desperately to find clarity. Another night in a hotel, their limbs tangled together. Jungkook held Jimin from behind, his hand trailing along Jimin’s waist, and stopping at the band of his boxers before trailing back up to his chest.

“Is this really enough for you?” Jungkook had asked, with his nose pressed into Jimin’s hair, his breath heating his neck. 

No. It wasn’t enough. He didn’t want to hide in hotel rooms in who knows which country just to be with him. He didn’t want to feel the sea sickness of jealously every time someone complemented Jungkook or when Jungkook gave his attention to someone else. And Jimin wanted to stop making Jungkook feel the same. He wanted to stop flirting with other friends and idols just to downplay his own feelings. He wanted to stop flirting just to feel in control. He wanted Jungkook to understand the pain in his heart without needing to tell him why. He wanted Jungkook to understand why he sometimes mentally drifted when he held him, or why he sometimes froze at an innocent and flirtatious touch. He wanted Jungkook to understand that even though he trusted the younger with his whole heart, he couldn’t help but sometimes feel afraid. 

Jimin worked hard. He wasn’t going to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would you believe I started writing this in my head at 2am while half asleep?  
> This is my first time writing a fic like this, so please let me know your thoughts.


	2. Chapter 2

Jungkook wanted to be strong. 

He needed to be strong. That was the one truth life taught him.

He never thought he had an issue being strong growing up. He was always athletic and had no issue standing up for himself against bullies. He made sure to pass that strength onto his friends and family. But maybe he relied on his own family’s strength too much. Coming to Seoul made him realize that strength was only relative. 

Suddenly without his family, he felt weak. Where was his mom to make him gimbap? Where was his brother to play with him? Where was his father to show him how to be a man? Where did that support go, and why was it no longer acceptable to cry?

Not that he cried a lot growing up, but he never thought it was a problem to cry at movies or heartfelt words. His classmates always teased him, sure, but his family encouraged his tears if that was how he expressed himself. But in Seoul, training for hours upon hours until his exhaustion mixed with homesickness forced him to break, crying wasn’t acceptable. Manager Jung made sure that was clear. 

He would never forget the first time the man yelled at him. Waiting backstage at a variety show, he and Taehyung-hyung were playing around. They had time to kill and were barely making any noise while pushing against each other’s hands. Manager Jung had pushed them apart and yelled at them to keep it together and be more professional. They were reflecting poorly on him.

His voice had alerted everyone around, their staff, the show’s staff. Manager Jung’s angry face and disappointed eyes bore into Jungkook, and he was startled. He didn’t think he had done anything wrong. He was being professional. Warmth flooded to his cheeks and ears and suddenly his eyes were watering. Before he could blink the tears away, Manager Jung grabbed his ear and forced him close.

“What are you crying about? You’re going to mess up your makeup,” the older man growled. 

Jungkook still remembers the way Jimin-hyung consoled him. The older had taken him aside and ran a gentle hand down the back of his head. 

“Don’t worry about him. You weren’t doing anything wrong,” Jimin-hyung had said, his eyes smiling softly. Jungkook hadn’t known him long at that point, but he realized then how special he was. 

Thankfully, their group had bonded enough to give each other strength, but it wasn’t always enough during their early years. At least not enough to protect Jungkook. Ever since those first signs of tears, Manager Jung made sure to break Jungkook down until he no longer felt the need to cry. Forceful slaps against the back of his head, getting reprimanded for goofing off, shouting about all the ways he was messing up and making his hyungs look bad all resulted in Jungkook waiting until he got back to the dorms to hide in his closet to cry. At least, he told himself, he could wait until he was alone to let it all out. 

Sometimes Hoseok-hyung or Jimin-hyung would sit with him while he cried. Other times, the members left him be. He knew it was better for them to leave him alone. Crying was a habit he had to break. All of his hyungs had their own problems to worry about, stemming from Manager Jung, the company, and their careers. They didn’t need to add the crying maknae to the mix. 

Over time, he did get better at drying his tears. He got better at shutting down against Manager Jung’s growing abuse. He didn’t even cry after his hits started to leave bruises. Sometimes the urge stung at his eyes as he stared at himself in the mirror, and the way the purple bloomed against his chest and shoulders, and one time his cheek, but he blinked it away. It was only a man’s hand, after all. And Jungkook was getting stronger. 

Once he shut down his tears, he focused on his own physical strength. Even though he was the maknae, he wanted to be able to protect his hyungs. He wanted to be there for them just as they were for him. He wanted to uplift their moods when Manager Jung soured things. Jungkook knew, that because he was the youngest, Manager Jung reprimanded him the most, but the others still suffered. Jimin would never admit it, but Jungkook knew that Manager Jung’s words bothered him. Jungkook watched as the light in his hyung’s eyes slowly drained. Jungkook watched as Taehyung-hyung’s acting out turned detrimental. Jungkook watched as Jin-hyung’s chipper attitude turned as soon as Manager Jung entered the room. Even Rapmon-hyung, Yoongi-hyung, and Hoseok-hyung, who worked hard to keep their problems to themselves for the sake of others, couldn’t keep the frowns and disappointed sighs away. If Jungkook could at least distract his hyung’s through laughter and his support, he could make things better. He just wished desperately that he could build muscle and fight back. 

It wasn’t until Manager Jung was fired that Jungkook was allowed to workout and bulk up. He briefly wondered if that was intentional. That Manager Jung, knowing if Jungkook had the chance and the strength, he would hit back. Jungkook certainly dreamed of the chance. To slap back. To punch across the nose. To keep him away. Even after Manager Jung was fired, and Jungkook was, for once, physically safe, the urge to protect himself never disappeared. He always felt he had to be ready at a moment’s notice to shield himself. He always had to be ready to punch and keep others away. That urge fed into a need to work out. Fed into a need to learn how to fight against bigger opponents, even as his own size grew. Unfortunately, that urge bled into areas of his life that wasn’t necessary. 

Once, at the dorm, Taehyung-hyung came to wake Jungkook up. But the older, playful hyung thought the best way to do it was to jump on a sleeping Jungkook. He had done this before, but Jungkook had been dreaming of punches and bruised skin. He didn’t know where he was when he woke up with a force on him, pushing down against his shoulders. So, he reacted. He shoved and punched and kicked until Taehyung-hyung was across the room, screaming at him to calm down. 

Through gritted teeth and shaky breaths, Jungkook sat back on his bed and held his face in his hands. All he could do was mutter an apology, and Taehyung-hyung left him by himself. For the first time in a while, Jungkook let himself cry. Taehyung-hyung never brought the incident up, but the other hyungs became much gentler when it came to waking him up for the next few months. 

Jungkook was glad Jimin-hyung understood him. The older never questioned Jungkook’s need to exercise. Never questioned his protective stances. Never questioned his flinches. Jimin-hyung simply offered his kind and supportive words, and his promises to protect Jungkook. Jimin-hyung’s presence always eased Jungkook, and once he stopped feeling the urge to fight or protect all the time, he realized his affection for the older was different from his other hyungs. 

In those moments, when their flirtation just crossed the line, and Jungkook wanted to reach out to Jimin-hyung, he watched his eyes flash and close down. Jungkook always understood the hesitancy. They couldn’t be certain they would be safe even in their own company, how could they face the world? Although, Jungkook knew they could be safe within their group, and after comforting, yet vague, words from Hoseok-hyung he started to believe the culture in the company had changed. Maybe confirming their relationship would put pressure on the other members for a bit, but Jungkook knew Jimin-hyung was worth it. He knew what they had, their ability to read each other, and spend 24 hours a day together and still miss each other meant something. 

Even though Jungkook knew Jimin could take care of himself, the urge to protect the older ignited his blood in a way that was special only to him. The urge to shield his hyung against the world turned into an obsession that even Taehyung-hyung took notice of. And that ignition made him feel strong. 

Jungkook needed to be strong. Not just for him, but those around him.


	3. Chapter 3

The first time Manager Jung crossed the line, Jimin shut down. Blocked it out. Told himself that the man just meant to hit his stomach, and he missed and that’s why his touch went lower. Manager Jung had hit all of them to varying degrees when he was angry; and he was angry a lot. But the hits were just standard scolding, at least in the beginning. The second time he crossed the line, Jimin got angry. Slapped the man’s hand away with a curt “Ya!”

That made things worse. A quick thump to the back of the head and a shove against the wall told Jimin there was no fighting back. 

From that point on, Jimin did his best to not give the man reason to scold him. Focus on his dancing. Work hard. Perfect his singing. Work hard. Play up his charisma. Work hard.   
But as Jimin, and the rest of the members realized, Manager Jung always had something to scold them about. 

He could do it within a second. Cold words as they passed in a hall. Shoving through a doorway if they walked too slow. Strong fingers gripping necks as hot breath told them everything they were doing wrong. 

Jimin thought, that he was at least never alone with the man, it wouldn’t happen again. But straying hands find their way in crowded rooms. Private meetings to reprimand could be organized. Jimin had wondered if the others received the same punishments, but the others made it clear by how much they didn’t react to the man’s threats that the punishments were reserved for Jimin. 

He didn’t know whether to feel relieved his friends were spared, or destroyed that he had to go through it alone. Some days, he felt like his head might shatter off of his body. Some days, he was sure his forced smile would crack his teeth. Some days, he was sure his mind would drift off and never come back. 

Other times, he would go weeks without any incidents. He could find his walls melting, and smile genuinely with his group. Feel proud of himself for nailing a choreography or hitting a high note. It wasn’t all bad. Until, of course, Manager Jung decided to scold them again. Then, Jimin’s walls would snap right back up, and he would remember all the reasons he had to be afraid. All the reasons he had to work hard to keep the threats away. 

Toward the end of Manager Jung’s employment, when his scolding became more brazen, Jimin almost told Jungkook. They were filming a music video, and Jimin had found a quiet corner to wait for his call in between takes. He had spent what felt like the past hour dancing, and his muscles ached. Tensions on set were high, but his band mate’s spirits were happy. Jimin’s were not, however, having dieted the week before to prepare to be on camera. He wanted to laugh and smile with everyone, but he felt judging eyes on him, and his head buzzed and skin felt heavy. He needed five minutes to himself. Just five minutes. 

That’s when Manager Jung found him. Jimin, his head in his lap as he scrolled through his phone, didn’t notice the man until black shoes appeared in his vision. He suddenly heard his heartbeat in his ears as he looked up to the man’s always disappointed expression. 

“You messed up your choreography,” the man said. Jimin frowned. He made the wrong move twice during filming. Any time he made a mistake, panic would light in his stomach, and his stress levels would rise. Thankfully, his hyungs had caught onto this response and began to reassure him any time he messed up. They reassured each other. Jimin tried to not let his mistakes stress him out during filming. It would only affect his performance later. 

Besides, he wasn’t the only one who messed up that day. 

Jimin shifted in his seat, making it clear he wasn’t going to fall for the man’s trap. “I’m sorry.”

Manager Jung’s hand patted the top of Jimin’s head. “You better be.” His hand drifted to hold the side of his head, sweaty fingers wrapping around the base of his neck, a thumb wiping at his cheek bone. Jimin kept his eyes down, hoping the moment wouldn’t last long, but the man didn’t move. Jimin’s eyes shifted around him. They were the only two in eyesight. 

“My makeup—” Jimin started, not wanting to have to go through another touch up, but Manager Jung suddenly tightened his grip. He jerked at the back of Jimin’s head so that he would stand. 

The quick movement forced Jimin up, and he kept his arms dead at his side. He had gotten used to these surprise moments. If he found a fuzzy space in his mind, he could wait it out. A forceful grip or rub would barely register, and rarely lasted long. 

This time, Manager Jung backed Jimin against the wall, his hand still gripping the base of his neck. Jimin stifled a groan at the sudden movement, and held his breath as the man’s full weight trapped him against the concrete. The new form of punishment kept Jimin from finding that fuzzy place. 

With his full weight against him, Jimin found it hard to breathe. With the man’s hand still gripping his neck, his thumb found his way to the base of Jimin’s throat and pressed down. His full front and body parts Jimin would rather not think of pushed into Jimin. The man’s head came down, and he pressed his cheek against Jimin’s, his lips brushing against his sideburns, saliva sticking to his ear. “Do better,” he said. The threat was no longer a question. 

Manager Jung left him in the corner, breathless and fighting for air. Fighting to ground himself in his body. His heart painfully bounced through his chest, and he felt like throwing up. Jimin ran for the green room, thinking that if he left the hallway, he could leave the moment behind him. 

He found Jungkook in the room, a bag of chips at his lap. The younger jumped at Jimin’s appearance, and Jimin didn’t know if he should continue running or break down and cry. 

“Hyung, sit,” Jungkook said, directing Jimin to the spot next to him on the couch. Jimin complied and focused on his breathing. 

He leaned forward, placing his head between his legs as he tried to catch his breath. Jungkook’s hand rubbed on Jimin’s back and he froze. Jungkook’s hand stopped. 

“What’s wrong?” Jungkook asked, his voice quiet. 

Jimin forced himself to laugh. He was in the middle of a work day. He would have to go back to filming in fifteen minutes. Staff was everywhere. He sat up straight, and gave the best smile he could manage to his friend. “Nothing. It’s okay.”

Jimin watched Jungkook’s eyes drift to his throat where Manager Jung’s fingers still burned. Jungkook’s eyes narrowed and the air around him thickened. “Manager Jung?” He asked, although his words seeped with the promise of revenge. 

Jimin brought his hand to his throat, attempting to hide whatever marks the younger saw. “Jungkook—.”

Jungkook stood up, and his fists balled at his side and he tightened his jaw. His tongue poked at his cheek in the cute way it always did when he was annoyed. But there was nothing cute about his anger. “We’re not rookies anymore! He shouldn’t do this,” Jungkook barked, his eyes on fire. It was an expression Jimin wasn’t used to on the other. He swore heat radiated off the younger with his rage.

Jimin grabbed his hands. “Jungkook. It’s nothing. Calm down.”

Jungkook grabbed his hands back and leaned down, his eyes boring into Jimin the only way Jungkook could. His expression always made Jimin feel seen, but when he went this extreme, when he tried to see Jimin’s soul, Jimin had to back away. “Was it just a slap? How hard did he hit you?”

He didn’t know. He couldn’t know. 

Jimin adverted his gaze and pulled on Jungkook’s hands again, trying to get him to sit. “He didn’t. This isn’t the time, Jungkook.”

Jungkook yanked his hands away. “Then when is the time?” he shouted. Jimin flinched. He had never seen the maknae this angry. It had been a while since he had even seen Jungkook cry from Manager Jung. Jimin had assumed the man had stopped picking on him. But fire seeped from Jungkook. His teeth bared and his fists shook. One look into his eyes told Jimin that the younger would protect him forever if he told the truth, but their careers would be destroyed with his actions. 

His look froze Jimin. “You have to tell me if it happens again,” Jungkook said. It was the first time Jimin realized the extent of his feelings for Jungkook. He was terrified. 

“Jungkook-ah! What’s wrong?” Jin-hyung’s voice was heard from outside the room. Jimin nodded, and grabbed at Jungkook’s arm, directing him back to the couch. They held each other’s eyes, and Jimin willed the younger to calm down. Eventually, Jungkook’s eyes softened, but the hurt remained. 

Jimin learned just how far Jungkook would go to protect him. Which is why he could never tell him the truth.


	4. Chapter 4

With each passing month from Manager Jung’s termination, Jungkook’s muscles hardened, and he and Jimin-hyung grew closer. Their group as a whole relaxed and collectively sighed in relief. They could focus on their goals without constant threat or harsh words. They needed to leave the harshness behind them. They wouldn’t make it otherwise. 

The months while he and Jimin-hyung tiptoed around their relationship was difficult. All he wanted to do was make the other smile. His laugh beat out any famous singer’s voice. His eye crinkles beat any sunset. In all other areas, Jungkook thought he had climbed past his hyung’s walls, but this was one area Jimin-hyung wouldn’t budge. At least, not at the pace Jungkook wanted. Not long after they started to experiment with intimacy, Jungkook knew Jimin-hyung was it. His life ended and began with him. There was no point in stalling the inevitable. 

Eventually, Jungkook broke down the last of Jimin-hyung’s barrier. Huddled up in a hotel, they woke up together. Jimin-hyung didn’t usually spend the night once their relationship started to change, but Jungkook had held his hand and begged the older to stay. 

In the dark, bodies tangled together under cotton sheets, their lips tentatively met. Jungkook floated through clouds as they kissed, as Jimin’s hands roamed across his shoulders, fingers pressing gently. Jungkook latched on to the older, afraid he would vanish at any moment. Jimin pulled him close in turn. They never went too far physically, Jimin made sure of that, but all Jungkook ever needed was to hold the older. To even feel their skin brush against each other lit fireworks behind Jungkook’s eyes. 

Waking up together, with Jimin-hyung fully cuddled in his chest, they laughed together. The look in Jimin-hyung’s eyes had told Jungkook that something had changed in the man. His smile and adoration in his eyes told him Jimin-hyung had made up his mind. 

“I want you. Always,” Jimin-hyung had said, before planting his soft lips against Jungkook’s. 

They tried to keep it a secret from their bandmates at first, but they hadn’t been too subtle the past few months. Taehyung-hyung, though he could keep a secret, also didn’t make it easy. Not with interrupting them when they themselves hardly knew what was going on. Jungkook also didn’t feel a need to hide his affection when it was just the group, much to Jimin-hyung’s initial embarrassment. Hoseok-hyung’s gleeful giggling at their open affection only assured Jungkook that he made the right decision. 

Once, back at the dorm, as Jungkook lied in Jimin-hyung’s bed while the two laughed at a video on his phone, Yoongi-hyung poked his head into the room. 

Jungkook paused the video and made eye contact with his hyung. His grip around Jimin-hyung tightened, and the older, who had his head resting on Jungkook’s chest, stifled his laughing. 

“Hobi was right,” Yoongi-hyung had said, mostly to himself, before leaving the room. 

Jungkook met Jimin-hyung’s caught-in-the-lights eyes, and kissed him on the forehead. Watching his hyung’s anxiety melt from his face made his chest swell. 

Their open secret among the group had gone on long enough that Rapmon-hyung, as the leader, had to pull them aside for a talk. They had upgraded in dorm space since they were rookies, but there weren’t that many spaces for private talks. Even so, the rest of his hyung’s had disappeared, and Jungkook appreciated the illusion of privacy. 

“Are you two sure about this?” Rapmon-hyung had asked. 

Jungkook rubbed Jimin-hyung’s knee under the table. “Of course.” He had never been surer of anything else in his life. 

Rapmon-hyung rubbed at his hair in the tired way he often did when he was stuck on lyrics. “Maybe we should tell the company, then.”

Jimin-hyung tensed next to him. 

“Why?” Jungkook asked. 

Rapmon-hyung leveled him with his eyes. Jungkook had gotten used to the expression when tension among the group was high and members weren’t meeting eye to eye. “Not everyone, but we need to protect you two.”

“I can protect us!” 

Jimin-hyung jumped in his seat. “Jungkook-ah.” Jungkook looked at him, faintly aware he had started to massage his knee. The older grabbed his hand. Fear, but also strength flashed through his eyes. “Namjoon-hyung is right. It would be a problem if things got out of hand with rumors. We should at least tell Bang PD.”

Rapmon-hyung nodded. “The rest of us can do what we can to deflect attention, but I trust you two will be careful. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Jungkook believed him. He knew his hyung loved all the members deeply, and he took his role as leader seriously. He fought every day to protect them. Why couldn’t Jungkook be more like him? 

Rapmon-hyung kept his promise, and Jungkook and Jimin-hyung’s secret became a bit more open. Jungkook felt elated and secure to show his affection, within reason of course, but Jimin-hyung had to remind him a few times to quit puffing his chest anytime someone stared at them for too long. 

“No one is going to take me away from you,” Jimin-hyung had laughed, batting at Jungkook’s chest as Jungkook’s grip on his waist tightened. They were on break during dance practice, and Jungkook wanted a moment of his hyung’s attention alone, but he couldn’t ignore a few of the background dancers and their drifting eyes. He wasn’t totally sure why he felt the way he did. He had known the dancers for years now. Knew, even if the question crossed their mind, they would never say anything, but sometimes innocent glances looked like threats. Sometimes they looked like challenges. 

Jimin-hyung always soothed his mind and eased his worries. The man could level him with one look. One brushing of fingers and Jungkook would be done for. Their days, once filled with sweat and tension and anxiety, suddenly became focused. Determined. Happy. 

When Jungkook first realized he was attracted to the older, he didn’t feel fear at his sexuality, rather curiosity of what it would be like physically. Even as their physical intimacy grew, it never felt strange or awkward. Kissing the man and holding him felt just as natural as laughing with him over a bowl of ramyeon. 

Sometimes, Jungkook wondered if Jimin-hyung felt differently. 

He noticed, even after their relationship being defined months in, hesitancy in the elder’s eyes. It was never enough for them to stop, and even if Jungkook asked, Jimin-hyung would flash him a devilish smile before continuing. The two talked about everything until the late hours of the morning. Their hopes, dreams, fears, anxieties, but this was one subject Jungkook always found difficult to breach.

Jungkook remembers once, in the dim lights of a hotel room, how Jimin-hyung drifted. Jungkook had rested over Jimin-hyung’s lithe body, trailing kisses along his neck while his hand reached between them to caress him below. Jimin-hyung had stilled under his weight, and his soft breathing, which normally let out airy notes of moans, quieted. Jungkook pulled away from his neck and saw his beautiful eyes half-lidded and gazing far away at the ceiling. 

“Jimin?” he whispered. 

Jimin-hyung’s parted lips twitched into a smile. His eyes flickered across Jungkook’s face, seeming to come into focus. “Hmm?”

“Are you okay?” Something inside Jungkook squeezed his heart, but not in the fluttery way he was used to during these moments with Jimin-hyung. He had noticed hesitant hands and eyes before with the older, but nothing like this. 

Jimin-hyung smiled wider, his eyes now fully alert, and his teeth grazed his bottom lip. He gripped Jungkook’s biceps and hooked a leg up around his waist to flip them over. He straddled Jungkook’s bare thighs. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Jungkook propped himself on his elbows, wanting to make eye contact, but Jimin-hyung’s soft hands drifting along his inner thighs made it difficult. “You seemed…away,” Jungkook managed. 

Jimin-hyung stroked him fully, and he lowered himself, his soft lips teasing proximity. “I’m right here, Jungkook-ah.”

He wasn’t going to argue with that. 

Sometimes, when Jungkook surprised Jimin-hyung with a kiss on the cheek or a caress on his lower back, he would flinch. It was the slightest twitching of muscles, and the older would play it off with a laugh at Jungkook startling him, but Jungkook always cursed himself. His hands were meant for two things when it came to Jimin-hyung: protection and pleasure. He wanted to bow and apologize profusely for scaring the man, but Jungkook began to notice it wasn’t just him that caused the reaction. Even Taehyung-hyung could cause the flinching when Jimin-hyung looked lost in thought. After time, Jungkook realized that Jimin-hyung looked lost in thought often. When washing dishes, scrolling through his phone, when they cuddled at night. And he knew the difference between the man looking bored and mentally gone.

Often, when they found a moment alone in their crowded lives to hold each other, Jungkook would place his nose in the crook of Jimin-hyung’s neck and inhale deeply. “Don’t disappear from me.”


	5. Chapter 5

Jimin used to hate hotel rooms. 

When their group first debuted, he thought they’d be exciting. Traveling to new cities, new countries. He’d be in a totally new environment. With that type of allure, how could they not? It wasn’t long before he realized how lonely the rooms could be. 

Maybe they didn’t go to too many hotels in their early years, but the ones they did stay in all looked the same. Same creaky beds, scuffed up night stands, questionably pristine showers, lackluster views. Sometimes there were surprises, like abstract artwork that hurt his eyes or a decorative plant. It wasn’t long before the allure wore off. 

Jimin hated the quiet the most. Even if stumbling over top of each other in the dorms caused fights, he would take that over the empty depths of the plain walls. The members used to share rooms in the beginning of their career, but as time passed and their reputation grew, privacy was demanded. 

He didn’t mind at first. He understood that his members and friends needed time to themselves. All other times, the group spent practically twenty hours a day together. They needed time alone to recharge, to be their own person. It wasn’t their fault Jimin felt the opposite. 

That didn’t mean he wouldn’t try to hangout in pairs as much as he could. Taehyung and Jungkook always accepted his company, but he had to respect their boundaries. In the beginning of their careers, he knew it was important to not overstep too far. He and Taehyung fought over less. 

Jimin eventually got used to the loneliness. As their tours and oversea travel exploded, he embraced being so exhausted he hardly noticed the silence. He got used to bugging his friends to eat with him, and using Vlive when refused company. 

What he wasn’t used to and didn’t expect was Manager Jung’s boldness. The extent of their oversea travel made the man busy, and he actually had to do his job, which gave him less chances to scold Jimin or the others. Manager Jung seemed to have backed off from Jimin after the incident at the music video shoot, but Jimin knew the respite wouldn’t last for long. It never did. 

Late after a concert, long after Jimin had said goodnight to his members, a knock echoed at his door. Jimin had been resting in bed, scrolling through his phone and willing his sore body to drift to sleep. He brushed a hand through his hair as he slowly made his way to the door, wondering if it was Taehyung outside. 

Jimin cracked open the door and squinted his eyes to the light that filtered in through the hallway. The gruff face of Manager Jung greeted him. Jimin’s heart stopped, and before he could slam the door shut, the man had pushed his way into the room. 

“What do you want?” Jimin asked. He crossed his arms, suddenly feeling vulnerable in his loose shirt and sweatpants. The man walked forward until he backed Jimin into the end of the bed.

“I wanted to go over your performance today.” A hand reached out, stroking its way down Jimin’s face, neck. Jimin did his best to not flinch. “You’re a beautiful dancer. Sexy, even.”

Nausea rolled through Jimin’s stomach. “Get out.” He pushed against the taller man, but rough hands quickly covered him, and he fell onto the bed.

Jimin used to hate hotel rooms. 

Panic used to eat at his skin anytime he entered one. He started to spend more and more time in his friend’s rooms, doing his best to make them laugh and have a good time so that he wouldn’t be asked to leave. He started deadbolting his door and lodging plush armchairs against the handles. It wasn’t until after Manager Jung was fired that he could start sleeping with the lights off. 

The only time he could truly tolerate hotel rooms was when he stayed with Jungkook. Even before he knew what their relationship was, the younger’s presence eased him. They could stay up all night entertaining each other with the faintest words, the gentlest of touches. Sometimes, Jimin felt so high from his time spent with Jungkook, he barely registered his panic as he settled alone in his own room.

Once they secured their relationship, Jimin wasted no time spending nights with the younger. Even though Jimin knew that Manager Jung was long gone and he was safe, empty hotel walls still ate at him. Hallow knocks pounded in his dreams. He still worried about overstaying his welcome, understanding that even with how well they existed together, the younger still needed time to himself. But as long as Jungkook would have him, Jimin would stay. 

They would often separate after the concerts, giving each other time to shower or rest in private, but as the staff settled for the night, Jimin always found himself tiptoeing to Jungkook’s room. And Jungkook would always open his door with a wide smile and soft eyes. The younger would let the door close fully before embracing him, sometimes it being the first moment of the day they could actually be themselves together, alone. 

Jimin would wrap his arms around Jungkook’s back, his hands palming at the muscles on his shoulder blades. He would breathe in Jungkook’s scent, his presence and touch calming whatever nerves and tension had built up in his body throughout the day. Jungkook would kiss behind his ears, squeeze him, tickle his skin, and suddenly they would be laughing and play fighting and rolling on the bed as they recounted their day. 

Jimin used to hate himself when his nerves got the best of him during their alone time. Logically, he knew he shouldn’t be nervous. He knew he was safe. He knew he was loved. But he couldn’t control the moments when he left his body, Jungkook’s touch feeling far lighter than the burning in his lower stomach would suggest. Jimin had to focus all of his attention on Jungkook in those moments, willing his mind to become an active participant. He figured, just as he trained his body to dance and his vocal cords to sing, he could train his mind and body to connect once again.

He never wanted Jungkook to worry about him in those moments. Knew, even if he wanted, he couldn’t voice those complicated thoughts. And Jimin knew it was pointless to say anything anyways because he wanted to be with Jungkook. He enjoyed being with Jungkook. He needed to be with Jungkook. Sometimes his mind just lagged behind. 

And over time, the lag shortened. Over time, the electricity under his skin and the fireworks behind his eyes no longer felt muted. Long hotel hallways and quiet walls stopped scaring him. They could rest in each other’s arms after a long day, enjoying the way their skin lit at the innocent contact, and just be. 

Once, Jimin woke in the middle of the night. The AC thrummed in the dark room, the drawn curtains blocking out any source of light, save for the glow of the digital clock. With his eyes bleary from sleep, body and mind tired and confused, he was convinced he was still dreaming. Dreaming the usual nightmare. The walls seemed to close in on him. Knocks pounded at his mind. A pressure squeezed at his chest. 

“Jimin…?”

Jimin froze. A hand wrapped its away around his side and pulled him in tight. The motion tugged at his mind as something familiar. A movement he experienced practically every day. He let himself breathe again when he realized it was Jungkook’s grip pulling him into his chest. 

Jungkook nosed the back of Jimin’s head, burying into his hair, and inhaled deeply. “You were talking,” the younger mumbled. Jimin wondered if he was still asleep. 

“What did I say?” the words fell out of him like bricks. He was wide awake now, but not enough to remember what he did in his half sleep. Would this be the moment when everything was forced out of him? When he wasn’t alert enough to carefully choose his words? Rested enough to care to? 

“’Dunno,” Jungkook breathed. His hand palmed Jimin’s chest, and he pulled him into him deeper, if that was even possible. Jimin relaxed at the sensation of his back flushed with Jungkook, at the warm arm wrapped securely around him. 

Jimin placed his hand over Jungkook’s, and his heart fluttered at the way their fingers wound together. “Go to sleep, Jungkookie.”

A low laugh rumbled out of Jungkook and danced across Jimin’s neck. “’M’kay.” The vibrations in his chest danced to his, and for a moment he felt their hearts beat in sync. It wasn’t long before Jungkook’s breathing slowed into a steady rhythm. 

Jimin eased further into the younger’s embrace, the feeling of them being so close lighting a fire in his heart and fluttering in his stomach like butterflies. He no longer heard knocks on the door and the walls seemed miles away. He and Jungkook, lost in each other’s limbs, were the only two under the cloud of blankets. The only two in their small, secure world. Jungkook’s breathing lulled Jimin until his eyes fluttered, and he no longer remembered why he woke up so scared in the first place. 

Maybe with Jungkook, hotels weren’t so bad.


	6. Chapter 6

Jungkook didn’t think it was possible, but he watched Jimin come alive. The man, always a complicated mix of bubbly support and tense emotions, laughed louder with every passing day. His eyes smiled into his cheeks and his body bounced between the members in excited moments, lingering touches saved for Jungkook. The hard-working man, who’s intense dedication left him more focused and performative than anything during their rookie years, eased into a confidence that Jungkook found equal parts alluring and comforting. His Jimin was happy. 

And Jungkook was happy, too. Breaking records and winning awards. His career was on an ultimate high, and all the struggles of the early years started to seem worth it. He would never acknowledge it out loud, never say he and his friends deserved to struggle, but at least now their dreams were coming true. And at least now, he could say he and Jimin-hyung were happy together. 

The day was long, the practice studio turning into their second home. Music pumped from the overhead speakers, sweat fogged the mirrors, and smiles and laughs bounced around the room from the band and staff alike as rehearsals continued on. Even though Jungkook had lost track of how many hours they spent in the room that day, he felt good. Their group was working hard to prepare for their comeback, and they were all in sync. Even though they were all incredibly focused on nailing their routines, they cheered each other on without getting into each other’s heads. Everyone felt supported and heard. And Jungkook, watching the way his body moved in the mirror, started to recognize his strength. Recognized the way his muscles flexed and the way his limbs moved on beat and the way his expression smoldered in the mirror. He was no longer that shy rookie. 

As they practiced, he caught Jimin-hyung’s eyes in the mirror and winked. The action broke Jimin-hyung’s focus, and the man let out a huge smile before setting his face straight. Jungkook knew the other members noticed. He saw Hobi-hyung shoot them an exasperated expression, but no one said anything. Even while laughing, Jimin-hyung was a professional, never missing a beat. Jungkook kept his gaze in the mirror as they continued to dance, and he had to stifle the heat that rose in him as Jimin-hyung’s eyes covered his body. 

Jungkook no longer doubted the man’s hesitancy. There were still quieter moments when he wondered where Jimin-hyung had gone to, but he figured it wasn’t worth questioning. Jimin-hyung was competent, and would reach out to Jungkook if he really needed additional advice or support from the younger. 

Just the other day, the two had found time together after their long work day. Huddled over takeout, their limbs tangled together in the way that only made sense for them, Jimin expressed his anxieties over the upcoming comeback. 

“You’re always so confident,” Jungkook had said. 

“Doesn’t mean I don’t worry,” Jimin-hyung replied before stealing a bite of noodles from Jungkook’s bowl. 

Even so, Jungkook recognized how Jimin-hyung began to adjust the way he dealt with his anxieties. How he reached out more and asked for support when he really needed it. Jungkook wanted to learn from him. He had his own share of fears and feelings of imperfection that never left the pit of his stomach. They festered in his gut and occasionally released dense smoke that rose into the rest of his body. It was difficult to shake the sensations once they began. And sometimes, when they got extreme, usually triggered by a look or words he perceived as challenging, his body fell into a panic and all he wanted to do was rip his flaws out from his intestines and physically fight their manifestation. 

In those moments, he tried to remember all of the support he had. It was difficult to right himself before he started yelling at an innocent party or started punching or kicking furniture. Channeling his energy into exercise helped, but sometimes when the smoke rose too quickly, quicker than he could recognize, he had trouble controlling how he reacted. But, if he could remember his friends and their kind words and comforting embraces, or Jimin-hyung’s smiling eyes and soothing touch, maybe he could bring himself back down before he dove over the edge. 

Back in the practice room, the group took a pause to hydrate. The staff was huddled to the side of the room, going over planning logistics and talking to the managers about concepts. The door to the hallway was open, and Jungkook had noticed a few more people file in, but he didn’t pay much attention. He gulped at his water bottle, enjoying the way the condensation chilled his hand and the crushing sound of the plastic. He cleared his throat when he finished, and set his sights on Jimin-hyung. 

The older was leaning against the wall, taking smaller sips of water. His eyes looked focused as he stared at his reflection across the room. Jungkook took a few steps closer to him, wanting to complement his moves. Jimin-hyung looked up at him, his plump lips curving into a smile, flushed expression turning soft. They shared a smile, always finding comfort in warm eyes before speaking, but Jimin-hyung’s eyes flickered behind Jungkook, and his expression dropped. Flushed skin turned pale. Plump lips turned downward. Warm eyes turned dark. Distant. 

Jungkook turned around, wondering what spooked the older. He scanned the crowd of staff. Some were huddled over papers and computers, hushed voices dancing over their heads. Some stood with crossed arms as they spoke to one another. Jungkook heard Namjoon-hyung let out a curse before he saw the broad shoulders and grim face. 

Fire erupted in Jungkook’s gut and scorched his skin as Manager Jung’s face came into focus. It was all he could focus on. He no longer saw the staff. No longer saw the brown walls. No longer heard his friends. All he saw was the man in the black t-shirt, crossed arms, and disappointed frown. Memories of the way the man used to speak to him flashed in his mind. Memories of the shouting and the hitting burned his skin. He suddenly felt like he had to run. Run toward the man with a ready fist, or straight out of the room with his hyungs in tow, he wasn’t sure. 

A hand clasping his shoulder caused him to jump and bat away whatever body was near him. Jin-hyung stood next to him, hand slightly raised, and eyebrows angled to show his worried expression. The room came back into focus. He noticed Namjoon-hyung walking toward Manager Jung, and the rest of his hyungs shifting around on their feet, with the exception of Jimin-hyung who looked lost in thought as he stared at the ground. 

Jungkook’s instincts kicked into overdrive once he saw Jimin-hyung’s expression. The fire now burned in his hands and behind his eyes, and memories of the times Jimin-hyung had let his façade slip when they were younger, with scared, wild eyes flashed through him like a whip. Jungkook stalked past Jin-hyung and stood next to Jimin-hyung, blocking the elder’s view from the man they all shared as an enemy. 

Jimin-hyung didn’t look up at his presence, and Jungkook suddenly felt sure that if he touched the man, Jimin-hyung would shatter. The realization sobered the fire prickling his skin, and now he wasn’t sure if he was going to cry or scream. He knew he was standing too close to Jimin-hyung considering everyone in the room. Knew that his attentiveness would pique more interest into the group’s sudden discomfort, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was making Jimin-hyung feel safe. 

The chatter in the room continued, and Namjoon-hyung found his way back in front of the group. Jungkook looked at him, aware that he was not hiding how pissed off he felt, but he assumed Namjoon-hyung wouldn’t think the expression was meant for him. Namjoon-hyung ran a hand through his hair, looked between the staff, and then back at the group. Jungkook’s hyungs stood closer together. Jungkook poked Jimin-hyung’s arm. He flinched, but his eyes came back into focus, and he crossed his arms and cleared his throat as he looked at the group.

“Wasn’t he fired?” Hobi-hyung said first. Jungkook admired his hyung’s ability to so calmly translate Jungkook’s angry internal monologue. He was a better man. 

“Reassigned, apparently,” Namjoon-hyung sighed. He shifted the weight on his feet. Jungkook couldn’t keep in the burning smoke in his gut any longer.

“What the fuck do you mean?” Jungkook said. His nails dug into his palms, and he relished in the way he could target his pain. His hyungs, including Jimin-hyung jumped at Jungkook’s words, eyes casting worried glances throughout the room. 

“Ya!” Jin-hyung quietly admonished, gripping Jungkook’s shoulder. He shook the older off and squared his shoulders. He knew this wasn’t the appropriate time, and knew he was being bratty, but fuck it. 

Soft fingers stroked his, and Jungkook met Jimin-hyung’s eyes. The expression Jungkook was met with made him want to wail, to cry, to beg for forgiveness. He recognized the emotions in Jimin-hyung’s eyes, as conflicting as they were. Worry and fear, but also concern and determination. Jungkook made himself take a deep breath. He took Jimin-hyung’s fingers in his and squeezed. He needed to focus on what was important. 

A grim face broke the moment of serenity Jungkook found in Jimin-hyung’s face as Manager Jung stood in front of the group. Even the man’s neutral face looked gruff and disappointed. Jungkook’s hyungs offered polite bows in greeting, but Jungkook couldn’t force himself to do it. Manager Jung didn’t let the lapse in social etiquette slip past him, and the man’s eyes bore into Jungkook’s face, before dropping to where Jungkook still held onto Jimin-hyung’s fingers. 

“Just wanted to offer a congratulation to your group,” the man said, voice void of sincerity. 

“I didn’t know you were still with the company,” Yoongi-hyung said, never one to let a moment for brash sarcasm to pass. 

The man clicked his tongue. “My skills are better suited whipping trainees into shape.” 

With those few words, the man made his goodbyes, and Jungkook felt his anger swallow him whole. He never thought it was possible to be this angry. The idea of the man harassing exhausted trainees every day, or cursing at them and crushing their growing spirits, transported him to a place in his mind so dark and cold he felt certain he could rip the mirrors off the wall and stab the shards into Manager Jung’s back. 

Namjoon-hyung did what he could to ease the thickening tension between the group, reminding them to take another minute before practice resumed, but they all knew it was pointless. Their moods were clouded. Rehearsal would lack their spark they had so carefully cultivated. 

Jungkook didn’t realize Jimin-hyung had freed his grip until the older had taken a step away from him, rolling out his shoulders as he watched his stance in the mirror. His scared and distant expression scalded Jungkook’s heart, and was the only thing that shook him from the dark hole he found himself in. He placed a hand on Jimin-hyung’s back, wanting to make sure the older was okay, but Jimin-hyung flinched and slapped Jungkook’s hand away. 

Jungkook froze, and they stared each other. The expression in Jimin-hyung’s eyes went from angry, to startled, to ashamed. Jungkook felt like his heart had stopped. He recognized the expressions in Jimin-hyung, but never thought all three could be directed at him like that. His heart pinched, and suddenly he couldn’t remember why he was angry for himself, but all the reasons he could be angry on Jimin-hyung’s behalf came into his mind. 

Jimin-hyung took Jungkook’s hand in both of his and shook it. “Sorry,” he said, his eyes never leaving the ground. He released the younger’s hand, and the absence of his touch shocked his skin like ice. 

“Are you okay?” Jungkook asked before Jimin-hyung could walk away from him. 

Jimin-hyung offered a smile and a chuckle. “Of course. Let’s get back to work.”

Jimin-hyung was not okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this update took a while - life, ya know? I hope it was worth the wait. Please let me know your thoughts! There's only a few chapters left.


	7. Chapter 7

Jimin felt torn between his desire to protect Jungkook and his reputation with the younger, and his need to finally break down and let it all out. To finally let Jungkook into that locked part of his heart where he tried desperately to bury his pain and confusion. But, as much as he loved the younger, he feared his reaction at the truth. Jungkook never put it into words, but watching him, Jimin knew that his confession would be taken as a threat and Jungkook would do everything in his power to protect and defend him, even if that meant doing something violent and stupid. 

Even if the idea seemed tempting, and sometimes helped Jimin through his darkest moments, he couldn’t admit it was the wisest idea. 

Jimin was proud of the man Jungkook was turning into, but he witnessed his lowest moments. Even if he wouldn’t admit it out loud, and maybe he wasn’t always aware of it, but his intense mood swings weren’t good. For him, or the group. Jimin caught on quickly when they started. Taehyung came to him practically in tears after Jungkook attacked him for waking him up. Jimin had consoled his friend then, and kept an eye on Jungkook. It wasn’t hard to connect the dots of why Jungkook reacted the way he did; they had all seen Manager Jung slap him aside the head too many times. The image burned into Jimin’s heart like sulfur. Impossible to clean, the sickly smell constantly lingering. 

Once they got together, Jimin thought Jungkook’s protective nature was cute. Jimin knew he was capable of taking care of himself, and as the older he should be the protective one, but Jungkook’s squared jaw and hand on his back made his heart melt. His Jungkook was a gentleman. 

Of course, sometimes Jungkook did cross the line. A disgruntled glare at friendly idols during award shows, threatening others during friendly Run competitions. His protectiveness caused him to stand up not just for Jimin, but also all the other members. They appreciated it, of course; their group was bonded through common goals and shared experiences. Even if not all of those experiences were good, it was important they all had each other’s back. They just had to make sure Jungkook wouldn’t go berserk. 

Previously, Namjoon-hyung had come to Jimin to talk about Jungkook. The leader wanted to know if there was anything he could do to help the younger feel at ease. Jimin wished he knew the answers; he could use them himself. 

Seeing Manager Jung again rocketed through Jimin like dynamite in an avalanche. He suddenly couldn’t feel his body. White noise blasted through his ears. In that practice room, with his closest friends surrounding him, he felt himself slipping. It took everything he had to grab himself and tug his spirit back into his body before it could float away. 

Jimin worked hard. He worked hard at putting his broken pieces back together. Gluing every shattered piece painstakingly back together until his fingers bled. He wasn’t going to let that man flaunt back into his life and knock him over with one look. 

Seeing the way Jungkook reacted, the way his face clouded and the pain in his voice, told Jimin that it was time he become strong for the both of them. Telling Jungkook the truth would only hurt the younger further. Jimin wasn’t going to do that. 

That night after practice, Jungkook wrapped his arms around Jimin’s torso as they laid in bed together. Jimin’s muscles were sore from the day’s work, and normally he relished in Jungkook’s touch, but his grip felt claustrophobic. Jimin did everything he could to ground himself in his body, letting himself feel his tense muscles, the pain lighting up every time he moved. It all kept him centered in his body, but Jungkook’s presence added an extra weight. Jimin knew it was necessary to keep him connected to the present, but he felt himself clawing to leave his body, and in that moment, Jungkook only provided an extra wall that trapped him. 

Jimin squirmed out of Jungkook’s grasp to roll over. The air between them had been thick ever since Jimin slapped his hand away. The memory still stung in Jimin’s mind. In that moment, he wasn’t conscious of who was near him, only that he didn’t want to be touched. Jungkook shouldn’t have to suffer for Jimin’s problems. 

Jungkook stiffened once Jimin moved away from him. He knew the younger wanted to say something. Jimin could read him without needing to look at his face. He knew, that if Manager Jung was going to be around again, the conversation would happen. But Jimin couldn’t do it. Couldn’t let Jungkook know. Especially not tonight. 

“Jimin-ah,” Jungkook said in a voice he reserved for moments that were just the two of them. 

“Let’s sleep, Jungkookie.” Jimin squeezed his eyes tight. He knew he wouldn’t sleep well, not with the way his memories scratched in the corner of his mind. 

The air settled between them like a thick fog. Jungkook’s voice broke through like the beam from a lighthouse. “Are you okay?”

It took all of Jimin’s vocal training to keep his voice stable. “Just tired.”

… 

Jimin felt on edge during the next few days of work. Their schedule mostly consisted of dance practice and learning new choreography, but he couldn’t help but feel like he was being watched at all moments. He knew he wasn’t, that would be ridiculous, but the thought of entering a new room first, or turning a corner and not knowing who he would see set his nerves on fire. 

He hated that he reacted that way. Hated that the feelings distracted him while at work. Hated that the man still had so much power over him. He realized that the rest of the members had caught on that something was bothering him. Jungkook’s protection had turned to overdrive, constantly checking on him, offering him water, staring down any staff member that lingered for too long. Jimin’s face hurt from all the fake smiles he gave in response. He really just wanted to tell Jungkook off, to leave him alone, but the air between the group was already crackling and fizzing, ready to snap at any moment. Normally, Jungkook was good at recognizing when Jimin needed his space, but he reasoned that Manager Jung’s reappearance had unbalanced the younger. 

During a break in practice, Jimin excused himself for the restroom. His shoulder muscles were seizing up and sweat gripped his shirt to his body. He felt exhausted, physically from the work, and mentally from not sleeping well. 

As he washed his hands in the bathroom, he checked out his reflection. He skipped the makeup today. Through his flushed skin, gray sunk under his eyes. He looked just as rough as he felt. Jimin ran a hand through his hair and let out a long sigh. Even though he was exhausted, he felt decent about his dancing that day. At least he had that. 

The door to the bathroom clicked open and Jimin locked eyes with the man in the mirror. The glue that held his pieces together turned brittle. The pieces started to shift. 

Jimin turned around and met Manager Jung’s grim face. A touch of surprise lit in his eyes before his face settled into a small smirk. Jimin glared at him as he fought the cement forming in his feet. 

“You’ve done well for yourself,” Manager Jung said. He took a step toward Jimin. Jimin braced himself against the sink, his knuckles straining from the force of gripping the porcelain. He needed to moved. Needed to leave. Why wouldn’t his body listen? 

Manager Jung now stood in front of Jimin, barely an arm’s length between him. “Shouldn’t you be thanking me for my guidance?” Jimin’s stomach rolled. The cement spread up the length of his legs, and he wanted to scream. Why couldn’t he move? It suddenly felt like years hadn’t passed, but instead he was still that insecure rookie. He felt the same sensations of his mind drifting. Of finding that fuzzy place to disappear. But he didn’t want to disappear. He wanted to call upon all his taekwondo training and make Manager Jung regret he had ever set eyes on him. But why was it so difficult? 

“There’s nothing to thank you for,” Jimin managed in his most sarcastic tone. Finding his voice weakened the cement in his legs and he brushed past the man, banging his shoulder against his chest.   
Manager Jung grabbed onto his elbow with a sweaty palm and kept Jimin in place. The contact released a flood of memories into Jimin, memories he thought he had locked away forever. A sour taste burned in the back of his throat. 

“I know the trainees are thankful,” Manager Jung said. Jimin couldn’t make sense of what he was implying. Was the man admitting that he abused trainees in the normal way his group experienced, or did he find insecure individuals and treat them like Jimin? The thought lit a fire in Jimin’s stomach and overpowered any reasonable sense to feel afraid. He ripped his arm away and snapped his fist into the man’s jaw. 

Manager Jung stumbled back in surprise, palming his jaw. Electricity crackled through Jimin. He felt ready for anything. Felt ready to do anything. Manager Jung reached for him and they struggled against each other. It was a blur of limbs, pressing fingers, hits, until the man managed a powerful backhand to Jimin’s cheek. The attack disoriented Jimin, and he found himself pinned between the sink and Manager Jung’s body. 

Jimin exhaled through his nose. His body felt alive, adrenaline rushing through him from the fight, but that meant he was hyper aware of the way his body was being touched and trapped. He pushed at Manager Jung. Reached up to wrapped his hands around the man’s throat, but the man shoved his lower center of gravity further into Jimin. The sink’s edge dug painfully into Jimin’s back, and he choked out a breath. Manager Jung grabbed Jimin’s hands and buried his free hand into Jimin’s hair. He pulled at the strands while pressing their bodies together. 

The fuzzy place called to Jimin. It seemed better than where he was. 

The bathroom door clicked open. Manager Jung froze as his nose traveled along Jimin’s neck. Before Jimin could see who entered, Manager Jung was pulled off of him. The force caused Jimin to stumble forward as well, and his stomach flipped at the sight before him. 

Jungkook had a leg over Manager Jung as the younger punched him into the ground. His fist fired readily like a piston. His teeth bared like a wolf’s snarl. His eyes glowered like a hail storm. 

It was a sight Jimin dreamed of, but Jungkook’s rage also terrified him. Manager Jung’s bloody face and unconscious form ignited simultaneous amounts of pleasure and terror. 

“Jungkook-ah,” Jimin said. Jungkook didn’t stop. Jimin stepped forward and grabbed Jungkook’s arm. The younger jumped around. His fists floated by his sides. His face wore the expression of a battle worn man. Jimin’s heart ached at all the ways he was responsible for Jungkook’s pain. 

Jungkook’s expression softened and his eyes flicked across Jimin’s face. “Jimin,” he choked out. Tears welled up in his eyes. He reached a hand out.

Jimin stepped back. His mind raced as he tried to process the past five minutes. It hurt to see Jungkook like this. Hurt to see the younger in so much pain, all because of him. It hurt even more that Jungkook now knew. That he knew why Jimin was the way he was. That he knew how weak Jimin was. 

The pieces that barely held Jimin together continued to shift. He wanted to vomit. To cry. To scream. To kick Manager Jung for extra measure. Meeting Jungkook’s face, careful drops of blood splattering his face, tears threatening to spill over his angry expression, Jimin wanted to run just as much as he wanted to lose himself in Jungkook’s embrace and never leave. 

Jungkook’s posture relaxed and he took a step toward Jimin. Jimin shook his head and backed away toward the door. He couldn’t. Not now.

…

Jimin paced back and forth in their bedroom. It was silly for him to expect Jungkook to just let him go. Jungkook sat on the bed and watched him. He had cleaned himself off and no longer looked ready to kill with a look and his bare hands. Jimin couldn’t be bothered to think about the mess they left. 

Jimin had yelled at the younger when he entered their room. He yelled at the younger to leave him alone. He needed to be alone. Tears blurred his vision as he yelled and he couldn’t read Jungkook’s face, but the younger calmly sat on the bed and watched as Jimin paced and cried. 

After a while, the tears had stilled enough for Jimin to see the man in front of him. The man who he loved more than anything in the world. More than the career he worked for. His love had worked to overpower any insecurity he felt in himself. The man in front of him knew every part of Jimin. Knew his past. Knew his present. Jimin wouldn’t be surprised if Jungkook could predict his future—their future. 

Jimin’s heart swelled as he stared at Jungkook. The younger chewed on his bottom lip as he stared back. His eyebrows furrowed together. Bruising bloomed on the knuckles in his lap. It was just one more thing he didn’t know. Just one. Maybe it was time to tell him. 

Tears flowed freely from Jimin and his words tumbled out just as fast. It wasn’t the first time Jimin had bared his soul to the younger, and the way Jungkook gently took his hands in his and stroked his fingers told Jimin it wouldn’t be the last. He started from the beginning, how his own naivety led to shame. How he could never tell anyone of the growing abuse. He worked hard and had too much to lose. He couldn’t explain the details, couldn’t ever let them leave his tongue, but as Jungkook’s grip tightened on his hands, he knew the younger understood. 

As he spoke, he sniffled through his drying tears. Jungkook didn’t ask, but Jimin offered explanations and apologizes for their intimate moments and how it was never Jungkook he was afraid of, but his own memories. 

Jungkook stood up slowly and held Jimin’s face in his hand. Jimin squeezed his eyes tight. He didn’t want to see the change in Jungkook’s expression. He didn’t want to look in the eyes he knew and loved the most and see pity or embarrassment. Jungkook’s thumbs wiped Jimin’s tears away and he spoke the elder’s name softly. 

Jimin gulped and opened his eyes slowly. Jungkook’s eyes, mere inches away, gazed at him intently. They were the same doe eyes Jimin knew. Tears threatened to pool over, but only warmth shone in the brown depths. His expression made Jimin’s heart squeeze and flutter. 

Jungkook wiped away the last of Jimin’s tears, and his eyes searched his face. Jimin reached up and held Jungkook’s hands. 

“I love you,” Jungkook said. 

Jungkook slowly pulled Jimin into his chest, and Jimin’s arms found their way around Jungkook’s torso. Their heads leaned into each other’s necks as they embraced each other. A sigh rattled through Jimin’s body, and expelled from him the last of the dingy thoughts and memories he had locked away in that box in the dark parts of his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life has gotten very busy, but I am happy to have gotten this out. Let me know your thoughts!   
> Hoping to get the last chapter out by next weekend.


	8. Chapter 8

Jungkook wanted to be strong.

He figured that was the only way to get through life. That he, alone, had to be strong for himself and others. If he could protect himself, then he could protect others. 

As he watched Jimin-hyung pack his suitcase, he realized how wrong he was. 

Jungkook always admired his hyungs for their abilities. Meeting them as a weak fifteen year old, he promised to learn everything he could from them. As the years progressed, he thought he was growing into a strong and capable man. But every now and then he had to sit back and realize that he had a long way to go. 

After that horrible day, when Jimin-hyung revealed his darkest secret, Jungkook told him how he was the strongest man he knew. The older, with puffy eyes, laughed through sniffles. 

“That’s only because I know you, Jungkook-ah,” Jimin said, with a warm hand on Jungkook’s arm. 

Jungkook wished he could remember beating the shit out of Manager Jung. All he had from the incident was swollen knuckles and an intense feeling of rage rumbling under his skin. He remembered what he saw when he entered the bathroom, and then his body reacted. He felt proud of himself, but Jimin-hyung’s worried expression grounded him. It was the most rage Jungkook had ever felt, but it wasn’t the first time he reacted so strongly, and violently. And not everyone was Manager Jung who deserved the violence. 

Once Jungkook connected the dots from Jimin-hyung’s story, he wanted to beat up Manager Jung all over again, but this time without an audience, and maybe with more than his fists. He also wanted to cry for Jimin-hyung. His Jiminie. How the man went through that, but showed up to work every day with determination and a smile amazed Jungkook. He was not just the strongest, but the hardest working man Jungkook knew. 

“Pass me the hat,” Jimin-hyung said in the middle of his packing. Jungkook sat on the other side of the bed and handed over the black ball cap. The older offered him a smile and a wink.

Once Jimin-hyung let everything out, they knew they had to deal with the mess Jungkook made. There was no getting around it this time. But Jimin sat straight with squared shoulders and a determined glint in his eyes. 

“I should have stood up for myself—for everyone—a long time ago,” Jimin-hyung had said. 

Their bandmates had come home with confused and suspicious expressions. They knew they didn’t have to explain how Manager Jung was found bloody and unconscious to Jimin-hyung or Jungkook with the two waiting for them expectantly. 

Jungkook had sat next to Jimin-hyung, their legs pressed against each other, equally wanting to give him space and support. Jimin-hyung spoke calmly, giving a more straightforward explanation than what he had told Jungkook earlier. He told just enough for his hyung’s to get the picture. As Jungkook listened again, he couldn’t stop the tears this time. He reasoned that because Jimin-hyung had stopped crying, it was Jungkook’s turn. 

Jungkook didn’t want to make Jimin-hyung feel bad, but Jungkook had promised the older that he would always express his emotions. Maybe crying wasn’t that bad, anyway. 

His hyungs had similar reactions. Shocked faces, watery eyes, choked words. Namjoon-hyung began pacing, and cursed himself for not being a better leader, for not noticing. Because, that was the problem wasn’t it? That Jimin-hyung had to go through it alone. 

They weren’t going to go through problems alone anymore. Together they went to file a formal complaint and report to the company. Together they supported each other’s stories. Together they demanded that Manager Jung be permanently removed. They trained together. They debuted together. They failed together. Succeeded together. They would always support each other, together.   
Something about their new resolve calmed the ever present fire in Jungkook’s gut. His nerves, always crackling and spitting, finally turned smooth. He loved his members and what they could accomplish together. And he loved the man he was going to share the rest of his life with. 

He sensed the change in Jimin-hyung, too. The dark clouds that Jungkook knew always strained the older had faded. His bubbly smile glittered. He playfully checked himself out in the mirror before shifting his flirtatious gaze to Jungkook. He played more with Hobi-hyung and Taehyung-hyung. The group as a whole synced back together. Talking to a company assigned counselor about their rookie years helped, but they took more effort to have fun together. To listen to each other. Their bond truly became unbreakable. It wasn’t long after that Jimin-hyung mentioned seeing a counselor from time to time on his own. 

“Not because I have to, Jungkook-ah,” Jimin-hyung had said after his first appointment, “but because I want to. It’s pointless to keep everything shut in.”

Jungkook was never going to ask him to share those personal details he imagined he shared with the counselor, but he also wasn’t going to stop him if he decided to. His heart still burned every time he thought about the reality Jimin-hyung went through, the embers in his stomach threatening to ignite. But at the same time, he was lucky Jimin-hyung was still here with him. Still sharing his life with him and inviting Jungkook into his most private self, which he didn’t do often. Jungkook vowed to do the same. 

Something between them had shifted, but in the best way possible. Jungkook thought they were already as close as they could get. They could always read each other, always know how to make each other laugh or feel better, but maybe that was surface level. Now, Jungkook felt he could look into Jimin-hyung’s eyes as see his soul. But maybe that was just the romantic in him. 

Jungkook was always happy just to be in Jimin-hyung’s presence, but something about their intimacy had turned up to another degree. They could cuddle together on the couch and play with each other’s fingers, and Jungkook could feel like his heart would explode. They could stay up late eating fried chicken, and the way Jimin-hyung’s eyes would crinkle as he laughed made Jungkook want to kiss him all over. The bond between them that felt like a sturdy bridge had turned into a marble walk-way. Always present. Never breaking. Understanding and communication led to open hearts and inviting souls. 

And the best part was that his Jimin-hyung had become present. As time passed, Jungkook noticed the distant expression less and less. And when it did happen, Jungkook understood. He could tap Jimin-hyung three times on the shoulder like they discussed, and his eyes would refocus. Either a smile or a short discussion would follow, but what most important was that Jimin-hyung felt safe. Felt loved. 

“Jungkook-ssi!” Jimin-hyung called, zipping up the suitcase. Jungkook shook his head and met eyes with the older, who stood in a playful stance with his hands on his hips. “Did you pack everything you need?”

Jungkook grabbed his camera bag and stood up. “Yes, Jimin-ssi!” he replied, equally as playful. 

Jimin-hyung smiled and swatted at Jungkook. He placed the suitcase on the floor and pulled on his black hoodie. Jungkook watched, half aware he was checking the older out. He couldn’t help it. 

Everyday Jungkook admired Jimin-hyung and everything he had learned from the older. As Jimin-hyung did what he needed to heal himself, Jungkook realized maybe there was more he should do for his own self. He realized that he didn’t need to feel so afraid all the time. As much as it may have felt like it, he wasn’t being threatened by everyone with a lingering gaze. Jimin-hyung and the others helped him realize that through their honest talks. He hadn’t realized how worried everyone had been about him and his urge to fight. He hadn’t realized what a lonely fight he was battling. 

Jungkook pulled Jimin-hyung into his arms, placing both hands on the elder’s waist. Jimin-hyung smiled and placed his hands flat on Jungkook’s chest. Jungkook closed the distance between them and pressed their lips together. The normal electricity sparked through them, and Jungkook’s heart yearned to never let Jimin-hyung go. 

When they did pull away, Jungkook rested his forehead against Jimin-hyung’s. “Ready for Tokyo?”

Jimin-hyung pulled away and picked up his suitcase. “Not if we miss our flight,” he giggled. 

Jimin was strong for Jungkook. Jungkook worked hard for Jimin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to finish this earlier than I thought! I hope you enjoyed it. In my mind I may have warped the order of canon events, but I hope you'll forgive me.  
> Your kind comments have been really helpful in motivating me. I'm surprised I even went through in writing this, but I'm glad I did. It was fun!  
> <3


End file.
